Success E-Letter Vol. 4/1 Winter '04
Working Well - Is Working Good for Your Health?
Nina Ham, CPPC, LCSW
Granted, work is a requirement for most of us, whether we're employed or self-employed. Wondering whether work actually contributes, or can contribute, to our emotional health may seem an irrelevant indulgence, in the midst of our often acrobatic work/life dance.
There is payoff for thinking about the question. Changes in the way work is conducted in this culture has shattered many traditional assumptions and is requiring us to manage our careers or businesses more actively and astutely than ever before. Knowing what promotes a healthy engagement with your work will help you make good choices and decisions.
Let me start with a personal memory. As a child we used to welcome the first crisp days of Mid-western autumn with a taffy-pulling party. Groups of kids would take hold of a melted wad of sugar, butter and water, just cool enough from stovetop, and start to pull it. Each kid would have a corner of the wad, and as we pulled we would watch the taffy change from a dull, dark brown conglomeration to chewy amber-colored candy. A miraculous transformation, the result of a lot of pulling and stretching.
What's the analogy? As with taffy, when we are firmly anchored at two points, in work that’s right for us and in a commitment to self-discovery, the stretching that happens to us can be transformative. As women we intuitively know this. Stretching and growing is often near the top of our personal standards for success. In fact, the woman who isn’t challenged by her work, who feels she is dying on the vine, may be even less successful in her own eyes than the woman who is stretched too thin. But what can we say about how the growth, or transformation, occurs? The more informed we are, even across this uncharted terrain, the more intentional we can be.
Satisfaction at work often boils down to having opportunities to express one's unique skills, values and perspective. When our fingerprints are on the finished product, and when our contribution is recognized and valued, self-esteem is enriched and belonging - of knowing our place in the larger community - is strengthened.
But the potential for growth isn't limited to getting validation for those contributions we knowingly make. We also make growth leaps when we’re unwittingly pulled to embrace challenges beyond our familiar limits. Often these challenges arise in situations where for whatever reason we can’t make a simple either/or choice but must take into account a greater degree of complexity and find a both/and solution. A more resilient maturity is our reward.
The list of both/and stretches confronting us in our work is long. We're pulled to be true to both, even when they seem mutually exclusive. Here are some examples:
- both connections to people, and effective use of time
- both internal standards of performance, and external expectations
- both personal ambition, and commitments to others
- both being liked, and being respected
- both personal values, and values of the workplace
- both self assertion, and inclusiveness
- both personal and societal definitions of success
- both appropriate self-assurance, and appropriate self-questioning
You may be adding your own pulls and tugs to the list, and starting to feel an excess of 'stretch-ouch'. The question arises: How much stretch is optimal, serving personal growth but avoiding chronic exhaustion? Clarity on this is hard to come by, partly because one's tolerance changes from day to day. But here are some guidelines that may help you pace yourself.
- Draw your line in the sand. Most of us have
some non-negotiable positions that
can’t
be breached without harm. What is non-negotiable
for you at work? It may be that having
financial security, for instance, is
crucial, to
allow you to embrace some of these stretches. Respect that.
- Growth is often paradoxical. If you relax
a goal you’ve set yourself,
for instance to use time more effectively, you may find yourself naturally
being more efficient as a result of making an unrelated shift elsewhere.
Growth isn't linear. The most gratifying
results are often those that are achieved
with some combination of intention and magic.
- Take charge of who you want to become, alongside knowing what you want to do. Identify for yourself the personal characteristics you want to grow into, as well as the skills you want to develop. Once you embrace the notion that your work shapes not only what you do but who you become, you will be more intentional about your expenditures of time and energy.
In closing, here’s a virtual salute to all of us who continue to look for ways to embrace the multiple stretches that our lives as women present. As Po Bronson promises, when you have created work you can give your heart to, your talents will explode, your character will blossom, and the world will benefit from your gifts.
Nina Ham, CPCC, LCSW | Success from the Inside Out
Email Coach Nina | Telephone 510-526-7377
all contents Nina Ham © 2002
