Delilah lets go of being driven
Delilah* had been coaching with me for more than a year. Her productivity and her pleasure in her fine arts business had increased, her earnings had doubled, and she had just won a major commission that would open new doors for her. She was ready to conclude her coaching, and we were in the process of reviewing and celebrating her gains. The financial rewards and the growing reputation as a muralist were enormously gratifying. She recalled images from her childhood, using any markers or chalk she could get her hands on to create "pretty pictures" in the drab concrete environs of her neighborhood, and getting in trouble every time. "If only my parents could see me now," she said with a catch in her throat.
She continues to review her gains. "I’ve come a long way. I didn’t believe I was good enough to earn a living with my art. The girls in my neighborhood used to say, ‘The only way out of here is to marry a big car and a fast driver!’ And I was trying to do it with my art! I drove myself hard, creating a body of work, getting the best agent, rubbing elbows with wealthy collectors. No time for relationships, even one with myself."
I commented that she had indeed come a long way: her confidence now seemed deep and genuine. What had been the turning point? "It was when I was complaining in an offhand way about my messy studio. You must have known it was important, because you asked when I was going to make it a place I would enjoy. It had somehow never occurred to me that I’m a person who lives for beauty, but my studio, where I spend most of my waking hours, was a junkyard. Cleaning it up and adding my own favorite beautiful touches seemed so right, and really made me see that the driven life doesn’t work for me anymore." She added another revealing comment, almost in a whisper. "I’ve even been thinking I want a family….I’ve always known I was tough. Now I know I don’t always have to be."
*These stories are composites of many different women’s
stories. Actual stories of real clients are held in strictest confidence.
Nina Ham, CPCC, LCSW | Success from the Inside Out
Email Coach Nina | Telephone 510-526-7377
all contents Nina Ham © 2002
