Success E-Letter Vol.3/2 Spring '03

Uncovering Your Personal Success Footprint

Nina Ham, CPPC, LCSW

Are you tired of being told what success is and isn’t, or counseled how to get it, as though it’s a publicly held commodity? Even when it’s couched in glowing New Age language (“success is fulfilling your destiny…”), the message is that success is something to fit yourself into rather than something that arises from within. It seems to be the case that unless you define success for yourself, it gets defined for you.

The one universal truth about success is that how it’s defined is unique and intimately personal to each one of us, as unique as a thumbprint or footprint. We often have to strip away layers of family expectations and media manipulation to find it. One of the first things I notice when people talk to me about success is their bruises, the painful places we all have where we’ve run into the hard edges of others’ definitions. Many of us don’t even want to enter the “success” conversation because of an assumption, often born of experience, that “it will lead me away from my truth.”

Abigail, an astutely self-reflective woman, was one of these. After some probing questions of mine that took her close to what really matters to her, to those moments when she knows she’s successful, there was a painful catch of surprise in her throat. “Oh! By my own definition, I am successful! I’ve always felt slightly ashamed. I thought I should be aiming for something else.”

Does it even matter what I think success is? Yes, I believe it does. There’s the old quip, authorship unknown, “When you don’t know where you’re going, all roads will take you there.” Having a vision of your destination focuses your journey. It gives you the basis for making choices, assessing your behavior, allocating your resources. This certainly doesn’t mean that reaching your destination is the only measure of success. Nor does it mean that aiming for a destination should override the value of following the unfolding of opportunity. But striving does seem to be a defining feature of the human animal. Reaching for what matters most to you, walking in your own personal footprint of success, lends incentive, clarity and grounding to the journey.

If you’re among those for whom the idea of success has been more onerous and alienating than clarifying and motivating, I invite you to try a journaling exercise. Responding to any or all of the questions below, journal daily in a notebook dedicated to this purpose for a period of two weeks. You may find it useful to “let your fingers do the talking”, writing quickly and without judgment or censoring. Remember that writing things down, even when you “know them already”, makes them concrete and memorable.

• What’s the definition of success that you’re living by? How did you arrive at that definition? Who and what have been the important influences?
  
• What’s the balance of “doing” and “being” in your definition of success?
  
• Do any of these elements need to be included in your success definition? In what form?
  • Creativity-development and expression of your creativity
  • Competition-coming out on top
  • Winning recognition
  • Giving back
  • Learning
  • Personal growth (include leadership, emotional intelligence)
  • Non-work-related achievements
  • Money
    
• What is prosperity, for you?
  
• What must money make possible, for you to feel successful?
  
• What is the legacy you want to be remembered for?

Now summarize the highlights from this journaling by completing the
following sentence: “I know I’m successful when….” To move from the reflections of this exercise into action, here are three final questions:

• How does your definition of success match up with how you spend your time?
• What changes do you want to make in the coming weeks?
• What are three yes’s and three no’s that you’ll impose on your “business as usual”, to move closer to your definition of success?

Best wishes for an unimpeded and fulfilling journey toward your success destination!

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Nina Ham, CPCC, LCSW | Success from the Inside Out
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